What I said to the doorman

Here is a list of things I said to the doorman:

C’mon, man, it’s getting late.

Just pretend you didn’t see.

Ok. Ok. I get it.

Forget this shit-hole, I’m leaving.

He looked at me, and said sorry, sir, but this is a private club.

He looked through me, and said come on mate, don’t try me.

He stuck out his arm, as I tried to squeeze past.

I waited another hour, as more slipped up the ladder and sat, watching the skies.

I walked, and I wondered “What are they doing up there?”

Hoping for some flash of inspiration, some shadowed insight.

I walked, as I wondered, and thought of the question I should have asked

“How do I join?”

Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers, with additional prompts from

BeKindRewrite and Sunday Scribblings.

Comments and criticism always welcome!

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45 thoughts on “What I said to the doorman

  1. howanxious says:

    Interesting! I wonder what they are doing up there! And do tell me about it if you get to know the procedure of joining it.

  2. Kwadwo says:

    It’s a shame it didn’t occur to him to ask the one question that might have gotten up there.

  3. Gabriella says:

    Nice take on the photo!

  4. Dear Chris,

    I’d like to know what they’re doing up there, too. Like your take. How often those “I should’ve saids” hit us long after the fact.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  5. vbholmes says:

    Perhaps it’s best he didn’t join–has he seen anyone come down?

  6. It seems he really only wants to go up because it’s exclusive. It’s a great business strategy. 🙂

  7. Human nature to want to be where everyone else is/ also human nature to act rather than think
    Really like your take on the prompt

  8. Love the mystery of the purpose here.. really good… and joining might be a mistake too.

  9. Joe Owens says:

    Membership has its privileges, but being afraid of heights I would probably say “Pass”!

  10. Maybe they’re waiting for the aliens to come. 🙂

    janet

  11. Linda Vernon says:

    I always think of the best questions once it’s over. I join just to find out what was going on. I like that you didn’t even try to explain that part in your story. 😀

  12. Strong arm tactics first and then common sense. Clearly a man’s thought process. Haha..j/k 🙂

  13. Carrie says:

    Oh, can I join?

  14. Anonymous says:

    You don’t want to join, love Mum

  15. Jan Brown says:

    What a creative interpretation of the photo prompt! And a very creative structure to the story. Well done!

  16. Sandy says:

    The photo gives me the willies, I can feel myself up there waving around feeling afraid of falling. I’m not getting the connection between sitting on a ladder and wondering about a private club…but maybe as things unfold? The club is like a penthouse and he’s trying to window peep?

  17. Ooh, intriguing! It reminds me of when people look up in the street – the compulsion to look up as well, is almost impossible to resist!

  18. For some reason, this prompt is bring out the best of prose. This is a special one.

  19. Hmmm, another unique form of storytelling. Feels like a metaphor.
    Also reminds me of the other day when I missed my opportunity to ask a pertinent question. I was walking my dog when I noticed two cars following the garbage truck. While wrestling to keep my dog from running at said garbage truck, I wondered why the heck these people were following it. They didn’t look like junkers/pickers or anything. One of the car windows rolled down and the guy said to me “That dog is walking you!” It was the perfect opportunity to ask, but I just chuckled stupidly and kept walking. NOW I’LL NEVER KNOW.

  20. Very charming tale – and also kind of reminds me of how we all stop and stare at whatever everyone else is staring at, car wreck, suicide, asteroids, fireworks – and feel left out if we can’t join them, whoever they are. Poor lemmings.

    • Saw it to amazing effect with last year’s solar eclipse – I made a little pinhole projector out of a shoe-box and was out in the street before work (around 530 am.) Ended up having to make dozens of them for passers-by!

  21. annisik51 says:

    Several points about human nature revealed in your story. Endless curiosity. Following the herd. Expecting to be rejected thus we are hostile in advance and so create the rejection ourselves. Etc. Well done in only 100 words! Ann

  22. Very cool pic, and I love the spare style!

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