Dry

20120728-195403.jpg

The pale sun hangs in the sky, it’s touch lukewarm beneath the forever-biting winds. Drip. The queue shuffles forward – I always try to look only at the footprints ahead. Drip. The queue shuffles forward – for a single moment spent beneath the dripping faucet. If you’re wise you’ll have a rag. Or a sponge. Drip. The queue shuffles forward.

You must look either at the dust or the skies. You must never look ahead. Never look up at them, at your betters. They who can afford to give such wealth away.

Drip.

Don’t look up at them, just whisper your thanks. Hold your rag beneath the dribble.

Drip.

Just a quick piece for Friday Fictioneers. I didn’t realise it was the weekend already… I’ve gotta get back into writing more flash! Comments and criticism welcome as always!

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , ,

10 thoughts on “Dry

  1. rochellewisoff says:

    Drip. The desolate tone you’ve set is effective. I like the rhythm of this piece.
    http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/07/snarl.html

  2. Chilling. I don’t know whether we’re seeing a prison camp or just the viciousness of wealth to poverty, but this story takes my breath away.

  3. […] Dry by ChrisWhiteWrites ~ @chriswhitewrite ~ Science Fiction […]

  4. Mike says:

    A great story.
    The repetition of the word ‘Drip’ adds tremendous power to the piece – that tension of queuing to soak a rag under the dripping, life saving tap – and being grateful to be allowed to do so.
    A to of story in 100 words.

  5. SAM says:

    Fantastic rhythm here, Chris. I like this. Its desolate, almost forbidden, and I like that he looks ahead anyway.

    I’m here: http://frommywriteside.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/the-thirst/

  6. I agree…I liked the “drip” repetition, too, and thought it played well.

  7. Interesting take on this pic. Kinda depressing, but I enjoyed it. Stays with you.

  8. Sandra says:

    Nicely crafted – the repetitive drip was very effective.

  9. Very atmospheric. When you are desperate for water that constant drip would be very resounding. Nice work..x

  10. I’m more than a tad thirsty now. People worry about running out of gas, but I think it would be far worse to run out of water. Very good and foreboding story. You painted a stark, sci-fi (I hope) picture with so few words.

    ~Susan

Comments and criticism always welcome!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: