Sociopath

It’s not my fault; I never wanted any of this – I never expected these things to happen. I can never see what exactly happens until it unfolds before me – in my mind’s eye – they always seem quite as happy as anyone else does. Then terrible things start to happen. It’s completely out of my hands.

I live a different life; I am never alone inside my head – but the rest of you, for the rest of you it must be as if you are living in a hideous and deafening silence, alone in a city that never wakes. How do you control the voices inside your head? How do you stop them dictating their stories – stop them revealing their guilty secrets and their deepest desires to you, their Grand Confessor? They tell me all these little private asides – and I want to announce them, to birth them into this modern world.

It’s the page – this deadly page, any scrap of white paper, the empty white walls of public toilets; I’ve taken to carrying a pen, constantly writing and rewriting. Desperate to save them from my subconscious – to save them from themselves. I’m sorry you had to see me here, in this wretched light. I’m not a monster; it’s just fiction. You have to worship your protagonist before you take away everything he loves, before you can destroy him.

You have to destroy to create – destroy to create, or no one will ever care.

 

The prompts for this week come from Steph at http://bekindrewrite.net (as always) with Deadly Paper and Deafening, from Trifecta (http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/with Wretched and from Sunday Scribblings with Modern. Sorry if the links don’t work, there’s something wrong with WordPress…

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12 thoughts on “Sociopath

  1. Loved this – You have to worship your portagonist before you destroy him.

  2. Weissdorn says:

    I believe it was Fyodor Dostoyevsky who once said, “Being an author is the only means of making your schizophrenia socialbly acceptable.”
    Just a tip between us: I keep them out temporarily by occassionally keeping odd company in real life.

  3. I love the “it’s completely out of my hands” line. This is crafty writing. I dig it. I’m not a fiction writer, so my writing mind doesn’t quite work this way, but I envy it.

    I also like that line about the protagonist. Good show!

  4. jesterqueen says:

    I absolutely identify with the line about trying to figure out how people get the voices in their heads to shut up. I try to figure that out all the time.

    And yet, in a period when my bipolar was bad, before I discovered that it was the bipolar causing this, I was taken aback by the silence in my head. It was awful. Now, I kind of know what to expect if I change meds, so I can brace for it. But it still feels like every day is my last one on earth when my head is quiet.

    Maybe all those quiet-headed people are mentally ill and just don’t know it.

  5. Carrie says:

    loved it. It felt almost God-like…and I was amused with the idea of a God watching down, hearing all these constant voices blabbing secrets and things He just doesn’t need to know!

  6. Thanks for linking up again, Chris. This was terrific. That line about the protagonist is simply genius. You have a great talent and I’m glad that you’re sharing so much of it with us.

  7. debseeman says:

    This describes creative writing to a tee! It is like torture trying to get your characters out and “living”. This line, ” I am never alone inside my head – but the rest of you, for the rest of you it must be as if you are living in a hideous and deafening silence, alone in a city that never wakes.” is just perfect.

  8. This is brilliant. And a little frightening. This will be me if I ever really go off the deep end. Loved it. Loved it even more on second reading.

  9. I really liked this, Chris. The entire work, but particularly that final line, was extremely powerful. Well done. 🙂

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